


1000 Times

by AFey



Series: Starving [5]
Category: Grace and Frankie (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-18 23:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13692408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFey/pseuds/AFey
Summary: Grace and Frankie relaxing by the pool, sharing a joint.These moments with Frankie are ones she plans to savour for as long as she’s blessed with them.(Spoilers for S4, and some slight tweaking of the timeline)





	1000 Times

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song by Sara Bareilles

As they sit by the pool sharing a joint, Grace contemplates all the things she wants to say to Frankie but knows she can’t. Of course, she’s told Frankie that having her back home means a lot. She just hasn’t told her it means _everything_. “I’m happy you’re coming home to me,” is the closest she’s come to speaking the truth. She refrains from further elaboration and quickly stifles words like, ‘ _yes, Sheree brought light to this house, but without you, it no longer felt like home’_ and pleas such as, ‘ _please, never ever leave me again_ ’. Instead, Grace offers to resurrect the meditation room and annoys Frankie by rationing her tater tot intake.

“I’ve missed doing this with you,” she says, in a deliberately neutral tone. When they sit like this she has to resist the urge to lean towards Frankie like a seedling seeking light. It’s especially difficult on occasions like tonight when her best friend responds with a smile that surpasses the sun’s radiance.

“Right back at you, lady,” says Frankie as she passes over the joint. Grace ignores the light brushing of their fingertips for what seems like the thousandth time. At her age, this simple contact shouldn't cause her heart to beat so fast.

She places the joint in her mouth, inhales, and tries not to think about where it rested just moments before. Tries not to think about what she’d like to do to Frankie’s lips. Tries even harder not to think about what she wants Frankie to do with her lips and tongue. Through sheer discipline, she succeeds. Mostly.

Grace passes the joint back and glances down at the water, watching the movement of her legs as gentle ripples breach the surface. These moments with Frankie are ones she plans to savour for as long as she’s blessed with them. Though she’s confident there’s no danger of another move to Santa Fe, Jacob’s presence still lingers at the edges of their day-to-day lives. Frankie’s plans for regular three-day weekends with him a constant threat. A threat, every week, that Frankie will once again choose Jacob over her.

In Grace’s more optimistic moments, she tells herself that even though Frankie loves Jacob, her best friend seems to regard La Jolla, the beach house and Grace herself as home. So, perhaps there’s hope. Maybe there’s a chance that the appeal of Jacob will dwindle away with each missed session of ‘SkypeFace’ and absence will not actually make either heart grow fonder. It’s a selfish thing to hope for, but she does so nonetheless.

“How’s Mr Skullcap?” teases Frankie.

At the sound of his name, Grace is reminded that their relationship has an inherent expiration date. That what they share isn’t love. Oh sure, she likes the man - he’s interesting and somewhat charming. But he only knows the perfectly coiffed Grace Hanson; a polished, successful business woman, someone that challenges him when others merely pander to his needs. It’s certainly not the basis for anything real or lasting.

She clears her throat and mentally composes a response. Usually when the conversation turns to Nick, Frankie’s disdain is on full display, mixed with a weird sort of protectiveness. Almost like she's jealous, though Grace doubts that's the case. Frankie’s distaste likely stems from the origins of the relationship, which at best were unorthodox. Suing for attention has to be the ultimate move in the rich, egomaniac handbook. As for the territorial behaviour, well she figures that’s just Frankie being a little too zealous in her best friend duty.

“He’s fine,” she says with little emotion. She pauses and then continues, “Actually, you’ll probably see a little more of him around the house.”

“That sounds delightful,’ Frankie replies with obvious sarcasm as she extinguishes the joint. “Full disclosure. I still like to go braless without warning.”

Grace avoids announcing that she’s well aware of her ongoing habit to go unbound. Knowing Frankie it would lead to an awkward conversation rich with pointless sexual innuendo. Pointless because she’s convinced Frankie will never follow through on her offers.

“It’s just a sleepover once a week. He’s no match for me when it comes to negotiation.”

She leaves it unsaid that maybe he’s just not a match for her, period. Doesn’t admit that almost their entire dating history is based on her performing in some way or other and as such it’s far from effortless. Every date require hours of preparation and recovery and it’s only worthwhile for the half hour of magic in between. She wonders how long she can maintain the masquerade.

Grace looks over at Frankie and not for the first time marvels at how much their relationship has evolved over the last few years. While they’re still prone to odd couple shenanigans, and there are moments of frustration and misunderstanding, there is an overwhelming feeling that Frankie sees over her barriers, to the very core of her. From Frankie she receives unconditional love, and while she knows it’s not complemented by romantic love, it’s more than enough.


End file.
